Welcome to the Dollhouse.

My name is Bree Davies, and I am a writer, musician, and agent. I discovered my diaries from my Sophomore and Junior years in high school (1996-1997) and decided to publish them. I also found a suitcase full of letters, notes, and postcards from my childhood that I thought were too funny and ridiculous not to share with the world. Below is a list of "characters" who will appear throughout the letters and notes (the notes are in no particular order). If you were in my life during this time, don't worry about your identity being revealed. I changed everyone's name, as this is all for fun! I hope you enjoy the workings of my outrageously dramatic teenage mind!

Some notes on the journal:

All posts below this are from the actual journal entries. This post is just to use as a guide for the posts.

All entries are word-for-word. Smaller entries are put in posts together. Dates are posted when available...most of the notes from my friends that I transcribe have no dates, so I will try to guess when they were written!

*Any words in bold are things I found funny or extra dramatic.

*Any words in purple are my present-day notes on my own thoughts, or to clarify things I talked about in a post.

*Any words in red are song quotes written all over my journal, around the pages and such...usually from Smashing Pumpkins or Hole songs.

*All notes, postcards, letters, etc. are in Verdana font...most letters were courtesy of my friend Taff (description below).


CAST:::

Girls:

Bree: Me! A music-obsessed teenager who dressed like Courtney Love...everyday for school. Before high school, I went to Catholic school for 9 years. I also wasn't sexually active until college, so my look and attitude were very contradictory of my real self...in short, I was a mini-Courtney Love tease.

May: My best friend since birth. We did everything together, including start our first band, SOUR PUSS, together. She played drums and I played bass. She lived in a town about 30 minutes outside of Denver where I lived, but visited me often for sleep-overs, shows, and trips to Colorado Springs (about an hour from Denver in the opposite direction of her hometown of Brighton) where her cool older cousins lived.

Alyson: May's older, cool girl cousin and Asher's sister. She was the one we looked up to. She took May and I to concerts and let us hang out with her group of friends.

Magdalena (Maggie): My best friend I met in high school. Part of a larger group of girls that would one day, for no reason, ditch the both of us. Eventually the group would become me, May, and Magdalena.

Veronica: My first friend I made in high school. General conduit for my bad behavior. Atypical trouble-maker friend who introduced me to pot, acid, raves, and compromising situations with boys. For most of the journals her and I are no longer speaking, but she will author some of the notes.

Taff: Cool transfer student I met in photo class. Claimed her dad was Johnny Thunders, and that she knew Lars and Lint from Rancid. Claimed to know a lot of things...and probably a compulsive liar. In my first band, SOUR PUSS, with May and I. Never actually played guitar, but had a pretty cool black Strat. Taff is also the source of most of the notes I will post...she was prolific, writing me several times a day when we were friends.

Lynn, Theresa, Gina: Members of Magdalena and I's first friend group in high school...they eventually defected, leaving Maggie and I to find new friends.

Tiana: Random trashy girl from the Smoker's Corner that hung out with our group sometimes.

Peter-Eater Krew: A girl at our school and her nerd friends who were super preppy freshman year...then got "alternative" looking and acquired cool (read:bad) music taste out of no where. Her and her gaggle of nerds were our enemies.

Teddy: Promiscuous 20-something girl/lady Veronica and I mutually babysat for who had three boys. She allowed us to drink and smoke on the job (we were 15 and 16), underpaid us, and would bring home random dudes from the bar (and sometimes she would bring home chicks too) and allow these strangers to drive us home, since neither of us could drive.


Boys:

Asher: May's boy cousin, the first boy I ever remember having a real crush on. We never dated, but I pined for him for years. He was a year or two older than me, and a musician and very poetic (to me) type of person. Simply put, he was my Jordan Catalano.

Dean: Some random dude Taff was in love with. Did not go to our school...and didn't exist as far as MAy and I were concerned. We never met him, saw him, or saw him call Taff. Once.

Jonas: Older burn-out I met hanging out at a lame-o sports bar type joint downtown, called The Paramount Cafe. He was 20, and a cook, and a small-time weed dealer, I found out later...when he REMOVED A SECRET WALL in his basement and revealed a secret room with a hydroponic dream weed garden. The best part about Jonas was his bleached hair, and bleached eyebrows, and BLEACHED EYELASHES.

Alex: Goth-Skater boyfriend. Hung out with the smokers, that's how we met. We didn't date very long.

Mark: Super cool bff of Alex. Cute and nice, a crush of many girls I knew...later turned out to be gay.

Glarung: Random Goth dude we met somewhere like a show, maybe?

Travis C.: A part of a group of boys May, Magdelena and I met at a Red Aunts show in 1996. Chill dude who loved AM radio (it's all his car had), sleeping in the parking lot instead of going to school, Crass, and eventually would fall in love with May (they are getting married this September.) The boys in his group who were the dude-component of our group were Travis C., Travis M., Johnny R. ( I also had a boyfriend, Johnny J. who lived with another Johnny, Johnny K.), and Jesse.

Travis M.: (See Travis C.'s description) Tall, goofy friend of ours, total clown, always making us laugh. Evolved from punk, to raver, to professional DJ and now a dad.

Johnny R.:(See Travis C.'s description) My best dude friend out of the group. Sweet, mild guy, also a total clown who was into robots and also went from punk to raver. Still a close friend of mine. (Dated May very briefly.)

Jesse: (See Travis C.'s description) Dated Magdelena briefly. Quieter one of the boy group. Still a punk.

Pick it up, pick it up!- A letter from May.

Date: Junior Year 1996-1997


Bree:


What up homefry? Just kickin' it like Karate. I'm watching Disney, actually. So, How many rudies does it take to change a light bulb?...Two. One to drop it, the other to pick it up, pick it up! Oh yeah, baby.




I really don't want to go to school tomorrow. I hate school! Why can't it just be summer? I can't stop thinking about Travis M. (Now, as adults, May is engaged to one of Travis M.'s best friends, Travis C.)!! He's so cute. I think we should have a double wedding...You know smoke two joints at a wedding. Ha ha. No, I mean Me and Travis M. (yay!), You and Steve (I have no clue who Steve was), and Magdelena and Jesse! Then during the reception, we could all beat up a Johnny! (There were three Johnnys in our lives at this point.) Fun, huh?

I hate Growing Pains. Stupid Seavers! So, do you like? Like my stationary, that is...? I thought so. I ws going to write to Alyson, but then I thought, nah fuck it. I'd rather right to Bree. Rawk on!!

Love boys,

May

You are the Queen of my world- Letters from TAFF

Date: Sophomore Year 1995-1996

SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW, I WILL FIND COOLNESS...and hopefully Dean?

Breeeee-


HELLO-HELLO-HELLO

Here's my plan: I want to go to the rave, so I can kick Dean's ass, then (if he's on X) take advantage of him, then KICK HIS ASS AGAIN....get what I want, then kick his ass. AHHH REVENGE.

Since there's gonna be free piercing (at the rave), I'm taking my old nose ring, so I can get my nose re-pierced. We have a lot of shit talking to do about "The Freak Krew." I have a great idea. I'll tell you later! Everything makes me sick! I can' t wait to get the fuck out of here!

FUCK WANNA-BE RUDIES!!!

Sorry. I had to get that out. My best friend Angie will be here June 14-23!! So Im happy. My shoulder! Ouch!

Stay rebel-

TAFF

featured lyrics: "Rebel Girl, rebel girl, rebel girl you are the queen of the world!"
-Bikini Kill

Date: Sophomore Year 1995-1996

SOUND THE ALERT! NOBODY BUT BURT!
(Denver car dealership commercial tag line)

Bree,

I HEART GEEKS! I HATE 311!!!!!!!

Hi, I love babies, bunnies, and RANCID!! Well, I actually did see them on TV last night (in Ruby Soho) & yr right, Lars does have a little bit of a chub. Oh well. Who doesn't? Nobody's perfect. I think I might re-dye my hair tonight. My hands are all gross from ceramics. YUCK-O!!!

Speaking of, the Peter-Eater Krew have to put people down and talk shit, just to make themselves look better. That there proves they're phoneys! (what did that make us?)

I was doing my Spin Reader's Poll last night, and I voted Sourpuss most underrated band (w/ L7 & Rancid), our demo for best album of the year and best new band. I put Wesley Willis for best artist and No Doubt for worst single, worst video, worst album, biggest loser (along with Tupac) ha ha ha. And for sex god, I put Lars Frederikson, of course.

"ARE THERE ANY GIRLS IN THE AUDIENCE??" Ugh. Make me barf. (reference to something Gwen Stefani said often on stage before playing "Just a Girl.") I HATE NO DOUBT!

OH NO! We missed annoucements!! But your cousin didn't! She's doing her homework ON HER CLIPBOARD. And I'm writing you. Bad, bad, bad grrrl. Yeah, I'm making this picture collage for May w/ pics of STUDS (like Van Dam & Marky Mark on it) with the word MEAT in the middle. I think she needs to decorate her drums! New time we jam we should do it around New Years Eve or something!

Well, gotta go!

Destination Ursa Major.

Date: October 2, 1996

Blah, blah, blah. Today has been a really BLAH day. I still feel sick. After school, I have to go to work (I was a gymnastics instructor) after school, babysit, and then do my homework. UGH.

My friend Taff just kind of picked up and left on Monday. She said she was going to the Grand Canyon and she would be back next week. She said she's going to get the guy that's driving her to the Grand Canyon to try to take her all the way to Cali and never come back. I kind of believe it...(funny, because she probably didn't even leave the state. Total compulsive liar.)

-(signed with star)

featured lyrics:

"What's up with what's goin' down?
In every city, and every town.
Crampin' styles is the plan.
They got us in the palm of every hand.
When we pretend that we're dead."
-L7

October 7, 1996

I feel like going to parties on the weekend is a part of teenage life. Who doesn't go to parties? I don't go to many, perhaps because I don't know "where it's at."(Read: I am a SQUARE.) My boyfriend (Jonas, the old guy) has lots of parties, but they don't start until my curfew, and I would have no where to go after. Therefore, I'll probably never go to any.

Anywho, I went to Jonas' house this weekend, and he got a kitten! (Which, if I remember correctly, I watched him kick down the stairs once.) He named it Desire (how gay). Ha ha. He was so proud of himself. I think I'm really strting to like him.

-(signed with a star)

featured lyrics:

"Stern South West Mississippi,
I'm going to reach my destination alone."
-Self

"I'm so sensitive to life.
I may never get it right."
-Superdrag

Hello? Hello. Turn your radio on.

Date: September 23, 1996

Homecoming is coming up, and frankly it doesn't mean much to me. I've never gone to a high school dance, because I've never been asked or liked someone enough to ask anyone. Instead, my friends and I are having an "anti-homecoming party." The problem is, we have no where to have the party!!!

This weekend we went to that party of Daniel's and it wasn't particularly exciting. On Friday we went to the Paramount Cafe to see my boyfriend (Jonas.) I was really happy to see him because I hadn't seen him in 2 weeks! i think he was happy to see me too...?

- Breeeeeee

featured lyrics:

"I don't know, why you're mean to me. When I call, on the telephone.
And I don't know, what you mean to me.
But I wanna turn you on, turn you up, figure you out,
I wanna, take you on."
-REM

Date: September 24, 1996

I woke up this morning and it was snowing and I had AN OUTFIT CRISIS! I have absolutely NO WINTER APPAREL. But, I woke up super early for some reason though, so I had plenty of time to re-plan my outfit. (All of my outfits in high school were pre-planned the night before...I had an insane clothing collection, a mix of vintage and contemporary clothes.) I fell asleep at 9:30 last night. I don't know why I'm so tired. I talked to my boyfriend last night and that made me kind of happy, but he was sort of mean to me. He never has anything to talk about. (Probably because he's a 20-year-old drug dealer, and you are a Sophomore in high school, Bree.)

-(signed with a star)

featured lyrics:
"Woke up this morning and the streets were full of cars. All bright and shiny like they just arrive from mars."
- Shakespeare's Sister (Man, how uncool is that.)

I'm in your front yard, under suspicion-- A letter from Taff.

Date: Sophomore Year 1995-1996

Breepuss--

Yo! It's about that time!...

Today in the rumer mill is that Tiana isn't here today because she went to Leo's (random kid from the smoker's corner) cuz she's making him breakfast. Aww. How sweet. Anyway, I can't wait to hear that good 'ol rock n' roll of the 80s! Madness rule! I have to make a mix tape and put "It's Raining Men" especially for Christopher's (smoker's corner regular and closet case friend of ours) car.

So, was hanging out at Applebee's fun?(I can only imagine.) I felt really shitty Saturday. We should go to to the ARC (thrift store) I really, really want those shoes Xtremely very band, (the silver ones!!), but if I buy them, I will have no money. And I have to save money for that big summer corporate whore--LOLLAPALOOZA-- Life is hard, man. I won't get on the topic of Dean the Love Machine. How much are tickets to LOLLA anyway? $35-$40?I need to know. GOD I still have like 20 minutes of study hall.

Well, I'm losing my mind. I had this crazy dream that I was watching MTV and Rancid were doing some show. I smoked a pack of Harley Ciggies in like 20 minutes! Then Dean called and started singling "ONE STEP BEYOND!" Pretty odd, huh? I tihnk I should make a sign to hold up at Lolla that I can hold up during Rancid's set that says:

RANCID!! GIMME YER SALVATION!!

and on the back I'll write,

I HEART LARS AND LINT!!

I think that's funny. I can make it all glittery and stuff w/ pink pretty colors. I'm losing my sense. I should go-go.

Luv,

TaffPuss (drawing of a kitty face)

Is she really going out with him? A letter exchange between Veronica and I.

Date: Sophomore Year 1995-1996


Veronicaaaaaaaaa-

Okay. I went to have a cigarette before first period, and it was Tiana and Alex and I and she was like, "So are you guys going out?" And I was like, "No" and Tiana was like, "Well, you like her, and she likes you (to Alex)" and she asked us if we wanted to go out and we both said yes. (Who was this girl? Chuck Woolery?)

BUT it like, wasn't real. I don't know. Tiana wanted to go to LAZER RAGE* tonight, but I don't know if I want her to go with us. May is begging me to ask Mark to the Presidents of the USA show, but I don't know what to do.

My dad is calling the school because he doesn't think we should have to do community service if we haven't been convicted yet**. Do you think my outfit looks okay today? I don't know. You look so cute!! So, is Alex really going to ask me out, or should I do it? I don't know!

Write back!!!!

LOVE BREE

Bree---

Alex mentioned something about "Tiana's going out ceremony" and I was so confused. I would like to go tonight, but I don't think I have enough $ for LAZER RAGE. Plus, we don't have any drugs. (A ha. A ha ha ha.) Tell May that if she's nice, we'll ask Mark to Presidents. (What a bitchy thing to say.) I think Mark was just scared of her because she kept beating on him when we hung out. Tell May to ask him tonight when we go to Denny's...

Speaking of, we have to bust ass RIGHT after 8th period, or, we could just ditch and go after 7th. (Denny's routinely called the school when we ditched, and I was suspended once for it.) About our community service, we should just go down at 10:30 and ask about it.

Alex said he was going to ask you out, but if he doesn't at Denny's, ask him. I love you! your outfit looks good! Let's go to Denny's (Man, Denny's was really happening!) ASAP!!!!

xo Veronica (EXCTACY-XTAC- PWC***)

*LAZER RAGE- A laser show at the Planetarium, at what was then called The Natural History Museum. LAZER RAGE played trippy visuals to songs by Smashing Pumpkins, Jane's Addiction, Soundgarden, and other sweet 90s bands. Frequently played other laser shows like "Lollapalazer," "Lazer Floyd" and "Metallicazer." We used to hang out behind the museum and smoke cigarettes, and sometimes actually go to the laser shows.

**Veronica and I were ticketed for LOITERING outside of a deli by our school...on our lunch hour, AFTER we had purchased food from said deli. I was let off because the school Super Intendant stepped in.

**PWC- Posers With Cray-Pas...our fake tagging crew. Created as a way to write over the lame graffiti crew at our school, who's crew name I can't remember anymore. Veronica wrote XTAC, and I wrote HARLOT. So lame.